Final Kids Camp of 2007...and BFA Pete departs. Shame.

December 19th will forever be an important date in the history of the place where I work (the name of which I will not mention in order to protect the people who work there...and myself.) This was the day BFA Pete left. Did he go quietly? Not a chance. It seems he has never been told that it's not a good idea to burn your bridges. If he had built say, 10 bridges, he burned all of them. He also destroyed the bridges that had not even started to be made yet.
The day before he left, he declared to the management that he was not going to pay his bills for his final month, and had a blazing row about it with the Korean supervisors. As no deposit had been taken, this was a problem. So the deputy head of the school and a supervisor snuck out and went to BFA Pete's apartment. They then let themselves in with a duplicate key...and took his luggage. I haven't found out yet what BFA Pete's reaction to this was...but I guess he exploded. Anyway, it seems he changed his mind and paid his bills. He left the next day, but will return to Korea to blunder his way through another year teaching at another poor place, before being asked to move on again no doubt. He will be sorely missed here. The two best memories I have of him are when he told a group of students that he doesn't have an accent, and the time he corrected a Korean students Korean. I did get a Christmas card from him, which was nice. But he didn't say goodbye. I'm not sure if he liked me much, but I did manage to not have a row with him during the time I was here. However, I did lose it in the very last week, when I shouted at him in front of all the students and teachers cause he wouldn't shut up. I was trying to explain something to the kids who had all stopped talking when I asked them to. He looked stunned that I had shouted at him, but did shut up. He is just a big softie really, as well as a complete buffoon. He got away with a lot during his time here, mainly because the Koreans respect their elders - even idiots, they respect higher rank...which BFA Pete is not, but because he is a native speaker he is considered an 'expert', and also he is a man of the cloth and claims to have some high position in the church. Many Koreans are obsessed with Christianity in a kind of 'we believe in God, but don't ask us why cause we are not quite sure' type way. Oh, and he is American. Americans are loved and hated in about equal measure here it seems. Mike, now my 2nd best friend in Korea, is American...but he one of the good ones. Sometimes.

For some unbelievable reason, Crazy Korean/American did not leave with him. Apparently the reason she has been kept is because she 'has made an effort to get along with the people she works with'. She was warned some time ago because the Korean management noticed she was a useless teacher and said bad things about everyone. Now they think she is a useless teacher, but doesn't say as many bad things as before. Well, not when they are in earshot anyway. And that was enough for them. But the SIGNS!! The signs she put up all around the building show she is useless and unfriendly. I don't think anyone else notices them. When I mentioned the signs to Ellena recently she didn't even realize there was anything wrong with them. When I pointed out the mistakes, she said 'Oh, it doesn't matter'.
I said to her 'But we gotta teach Inglish more gooder, ain't we...don't ya fink?' She said 'Yes'.

Gerald, Ellena's boyfriend has also left and returned to his homeland. His contract expired and he didn't want to stay. He was alright, but can be summed up by the word 'blah'. Ellena will follow him in 6 weeks time, and it seems there is already a race on among the male population of this city to see if she will remain faithful. At Gerald's leaving party, when he left the room, all the males drew lots to see who would test Ellena first. BF13 (Paul) got number 1, and I got number 3. Ellena was in the room at the time, and it was all done in good humour. She is from Canada, however.






The final middle school group of the year were just about the best. Really nice people...always smiling and eager to chat. I was going to have a photo with a couple of students to begin with, but then a few more joined in. Unfortunately so did Crazy Korean/American, who couldn't stand being left out. That's her in the pink jacket on the far right with the really shiny head. Click the photo and it gets bigger...but I must warn you, so does Crazy Korean/American.



One final message left on my board.
I got along really well with almost all of the students this week.












Geralds replacement arrived at the place I work just a few days ago. I will change his name to protect his identity, as I sometimes do on here. So Kwistofer has arrived. He was an obvious choice to work here, and I have seen his CV. His main qualification is as a tennis coach. He has a lot of experience as a leader and teacher...mainly of tennis. He has represented his country at tennis, and can speak fluent Polish...as well as English. Tennis does dominate the CV somewhat, and must have impressed the management here, who like the occasional knock around. He does have an online teaching qualification, and taught for one year in Korea previously. Bizarrely, a good mate of mine taught at the same place as Kwis did, and knows him. I found this out after Kwis had been offered the job. My mate's reaction was 'You what?! My God...I can't believe he has come back to Korea!' Good choice, Korean management. You've done it again. Well done.

The Demise of SpongeBob

In this picture, SpongeBob is turned upon by his good friend the Star. Star picks up SpongeBob and throws him to heaven. Good Star.

These pictures show what happened to SpongeBob when he drank some poison, and when he had and accident with a sword and a long nail.

An artist at work.

It's a big task getting the masterpiece finished before hometime, so everyone mucks in.

This is a drawing of a dragon that was left on my whiteboard by a talented student from the previous week. When a new group of students arrived the following Monday, I told them that I had drawn it. They were impressed. Except for one student who I thought seemed quite shy and quiet. He waited for the class to fall silent before saying one word, loud and clear...'LIAR'. It was the first word he had spoken. The class laughed at his comment, then they laughed at me. Just for a moment, I hated that kid. We had never met before, but he knew me so well. Spooky.

Seoul Trips & Daejeon

For 2 weekends in a row I managed to escape from Gongju on a bus that went to Seoul. Some other people came with me too. I was glad to go there, as I could continue my research into Korean alcoholic beverages.
There was a wider range of beverages on offer in Seoul, and although the effect on the body was very similar to that which I experienced in Gongju, the cost of the research was much higher. Not to worry, as I have been putting aside part of my salary to fund this investigation. However, I was disappointed to find that the morning after the research, I had a bad taste in my mouth and a feeling of sickness in my stomach, and my head was also unwell. Once again it seemed some of the beverages I had consumed had 'gone off', and should never have been sold to me in the first place. It was fortunate for the venues that sold me the drinks that I couldn't remember where I had been. I also couldn't remember which beverages I had tried, which was annoying as I will have to start the Seoul Research Program again. I guess after drinking the bad beer it made me forget. I wasn't sure either about how I got back to the place I was staying, and worse still, I had no idea where I was anyway.

As it turned out, I was not far from where I wanted to be...which was near a vegetarian restaurant where I was to meet Mike and his girlfriend, JiYoung, who are friends of my best friend in Korea, Paul. It was only the third time I had met Mike, and the second time I had met JiYoung. Nevertheless, this was still enough for both of them to easily climb above Paul in my best friends ranking list, with Mike taking top spot. In fact the more people I meet, the further down the list Paul will fall, unless he finishes with his girlfriend and agrees to help me with my research project.

The following weekend was very interesting also. After a stop over in Seoul which was fairly similar to the previous experience, myself and best friends 1 and 3 (Mike and Paul) went to Daejeon, a city not far from Gongju. Here, we were to go to a birthday party of someone who was friends with BF1 and BF3, but whom I had never met. Indeed I wasn't invited, but went anyway as I only had 3 friends, as BF1 and BF3 kept reminding me. Soon after arriving and talking to the new people, Paul had slipped down to BF8. Later, in a bar, I met another good person, and Paul was BF9. He doesn't know this, but I will tell him soon. The bar gave me two new beverages to research. The first was a drink called 'Long Island Ice Tea', which I thought sounded refreshing. It was. Several hours later after thorough research had been carried out, I overheard someone order something called a 'Ling Ryeland Mice Pee' which sounded disgusting to me, but looked somewhat similar to the previous drink, so I had that too. It got a good mark. By the end of the evening I had lots of friends better than Paul (BF12), and had also been invited to the wedding of Paul's friends in Daejeon, Danny(BF4) and Mi Na(BF5), which he didn't seem to like. He can no longer say I have only 3 friends. I now have 12. That's not too bad, as I have only been in Korea for 6 months. That's an average of 2 friends each month, although 9 of them did appear only a few days ago. Escaping from Gongju has proven to be a good idea. I will try to do it more often.

How to teach II...

How to teach...

Messages

Every Friday the kids leave messages for me on my whiteboard. It proves to me that I have done a good job, and they are sad to say goodbye. Most of the messages are nice, and I rarely write them myself.



It's always nice to hear that people think I am 27. These kids are the best 12-15 year olds from the area, so are intelligent enough to guess someones age. My girlfriend does appear to look quite young, but she is in fact 25. I don't think I have met her yet.


As I said, the students that come here are the most intelligent in the area, and are honest.


Except this one. I'm not sure who wrote it. Must have been a joke, or Paul (BF12) came down from upstairs and wrote it.

Later, I was happy to find that the message had been replaced by a picture, although the person who drew it should give up trying to be an artist. Must have been the same person who left the note before.

New Signs courtesy of Crazy K/A

Ok...the grammar is wrong, but why is 'UP' in capital letters?? Is this word more important than 'clean'? It has three '!!!'. I guess it must be.


A friendly notice to all the teachers here. Click on it and it gets bigger.


NO!

Food or Drinks!

Two sentences, but no sense. Fantastic!



Another classic.
Great entertainment.
Thanks.

November

The weather has suddenly turned to 'really freezing cold'. There was no warning...it just happened, and now it will probably be this way until February. It has already snowed twice, but not enough to make snowballs to throw at any of the foreign teachers here.

There have been 4 more kids camps, and the final 'Travelling Freaky Show' for 2007 has taken place. With 3 of the 5 foreign teachers coming to the end of their contracts, their enthusiasm for teaching appears to be even lower than before. I had my suspicions about this during the various times we have chatted this month. These were the comments that I picked out:

Ellena: 'I'm really winding down now. I just can't be bothered anymore.'
Gerrard: 'I don't care. What are they going to do, fire me?'
BFA Pete: 'You know...my motivation has gone down 50%, and the other 50% doesn't care.' (I heard this repeated to more than one teacher. I think he thinks he is being funny.)

My own motivation, however, seems to be rising day by day...as the time the above 3 people will leave draws ever nearer. Only problem is, Crazy Korean/American will still be here. The more I think about it, the more amazed I am about that. So I try not to think about it.

This week, when the new group of students arrived they were split into 3 groups of 12, as usual, and I was lucky enough to have Crazy Korean/American as my partner for the introductions. The kids were from elementary schools, and were very shy and nervous (as they always are for the first few hours of arriving here). When we met the first group, Crazy K/A picked out a shy looking boy and asked him the following question:
'What country are you from?'
The boy didn't reply, and looked pretty confused. So Crazy K/A said:
'WHAT COUNTRY ARE YOU FROM??!'
The boy still said nothing, and looked very uncomfortable. Crazy K/A then said to all the other students:
'He doesn't know what country he is from!! Can someone tell him what country he is from?'
...to which one student replied 'Korea'.
Crazy K/A - 'Very good! Yes...You are from KOREA'. The kid was now completely embarrassed. So was I.

The poor kid was right not to answer. If you go to France and ask a Frenchman what country he is from, he would just stare at you too, cause it's a dumb question. Why does she ask this? She follows this dumb question up with the following...(I know it off by heart as I've heard it so many times):

'I'm from Korea too! I was born in Korea, but when I was 2 my family moved to LA, and I grew up in Hollywood'. This is said with a tone of voice that suggests she believes she is better than all Koreans, because she went to America and 'grew up in Hollywood'! I really want to ask her 'So what the hell are you doing here??'

Another student also became her victim when he said 'What?' to a question Crazy K/A asked him. For the next 2 minutes Crazy K/A went on and on about how rude it is to say 'What?', and that they should say 'Excuse me?' instead. The poor kids are then afraid to speak. She really thinks she is a teacher. I can imagine another sign going up this week. It will read something like this:

DON'T!!! SAY what it is RUDE!!
SAY! EXCUSE! ME!!!
...and don't! take THE markers!
RED STickER. DON't!!
What?

I might make the sign myself and give it to her as a gift. She would be very happy. So I won't.


SPONGEBOB
This is a cartoon character from America (I think). The first I heard of it was when I was in Singapore, and there was an advert on TV for 'SpongeBob Square Pants Live on Stage'. There was a man dressed up as 'SpongeBob Square Pants' prancing around on stage. I know it's for kids, but it was ridiculous nonetheless. So when I arrived here and started teaching, I was sad to find that Crazy K/A always tells the students that she loves SpongeBob. She tells them this during the introductions soon after they arrive. The kids seem to know this character, and also like it. So my mission each week has been to turn them all against SpongeBob. At the start it's pretty hard, as I can't control my feelings about it, and when the kids ask me why I don't like it, I tell them it's because it's just a sponge with a stupid face on it, before miming an action of me tearing it in half and stamping on it (i.e. killing it). However, as the week goes on, more and more students come over to my side. I am getting quite a collection of pictures where SpongeBob has had some terrible accident with a knife, or his friend (which is a Star) has turned against him and killed him. It's amazing what kids can think of if you allow them to use their imaginations. By Friday I have got a large number of kids yelling out that they hate SpongeBob. I feel a real sense of achievement at that time.


One other amazing thing happened during one of the kids camps. Well, not so amazing, more bewildering. When the kids were in the auditorium for the skit performances, a group of them was trying to teach me how to greet someone in Korean. BFA Pete was just infront of us, and he heard them doing this. Guess what he did next?? He stood up, turned around, and said 'No No No No No!' and then corrected their Korean. These were Korean kids, being corrected by a 63 year old American who knows about 10 words in Korean. He told them they were wrong, and told them what they should say. He then sat down, looking very proud of himself. The kids looked pretty surprised, and waited until he had sat down before they laughed...which was too polite of them I think. They then explained to me in a lower voice that Pete was talking a complete load of bollo*&$.

Eviction Result & 'Angry' Foreign Teachers

The eviction result is known. As expected, Paul, who still texts me whenever he meets his 22 year old girlfriend, is saved. Of the other two, the news is good and bad. BFA Pete is to be evicted, but shockingly, Crazy Korean/American is saved. It seems that this place is sort of aware that some of the teachers here are inept. But to go the whole hog and get rid of the one who puts her English ability on full display via many many signs around the building, upon none of which is the English correct...well that would be going just too far.

BFA Pete didn't seem to be too affected by this at first. However, as the days went by he was losing it. Unfortunately there are another 4 kids camps to go before he leaves. In the latest kids camp a 12 year old found a blue ball he had hidden in a cupboard. The kid didn't realize he had done anything wrong, and thought BFA Pete was playing when he tried to grab it off him. So BFA pushed him up against the cupboards with force, and took the ball. The kid seemed a bit confused, not knowing if that was a joke or not. But BFA Pete was in a rage...and had to yell loudly to let out the energy that would otherwise have been aimed at another kid.

This happened just before an indoor football game the kids were about to play. Americans don't seem to know or care much about football, and this was demonstrated in BFA Pete's refereeing skills. It was, unlike the previous incident, hilarious. BFA Pete briefly explained rules that he didn't understand himself to the kids. There were about 8 on each team, and the room was small. He put girls in goal for the boys match, and boys in goal for the girls match. I don't know why. The players were not allowed into the goalkeepers area, but this had not been explained. So when half the team entered the keeper's area during a game the whistle was blown and BFA Pete decided to award a free kick..but at the other end of the pitch...to the wrong team. The funniest part was when the ball went above head height (not allowed), but before BFA Pete could blow the whistle, it went above head height again. So what did the ref do? Award 2 free kicks, one after the other. All free kicks incidentally were referred to as 'penalties'. Funny? I pi$%ed myself. I think I will miss this chap when he has gone. But then again, maybe I won't.



Attention Koreans - Don't make the foreign teachers 'ANGRY!'

On a Friday a meeting was called to discuss a series of 'complaints' that various foreign teachers here had documented. All of the complaints were aimed at the Korean management here. Apparently all foreign teachers agreed to the comments in the document, although nobody had asked me. After the meeting, the complaints were passed onto the management...and action was expected!
Here are some of the best bits copied and pasted straight from the document, The first ones are about communication between the Korean management and the foreign teachers here:

Direct vs. Indirect Communication

Examples:

- Koreans do not understand westerners in this area
- Koreans know what is expected by subtle hints by their supervisor
- Westerners do not have this cultural background
- Westerners are used to outlines, deadlines, details and direct communication, when this is not given, the person cannot do their job well and this will make them angry if they care about the quality of their work


Communication

1. Ignored Requests
Example:
- class numbers dropped at last minute, teachers not informed (3rd floor)
- requests made to Mr.Choi , ‘he does not listen’ meaning what was just said is ignored or the same thing happens again, this makes NT’s angry, the phrase ‘thank you for your cooperation’ is not for someone who is part of a team, but from a controller
- westerners do not like ‘fake’ phrases like this, it is insulting as it is not meaningful
- the same issue occurred with Mrs. Choi, numerous letters were written, no meeting
was held to discuss the complaints with the NT’s

2. Last Minute News

- last minute news shows disorganization
- in Korea, it is ok to change something at the last minute, this happens rarely in western cultures and will make the teachers angry and lowers the respect of the employees toward an Institution
- discuss decisions BEFORE implementation that affect NT’s
- when NT’s are told something at the last minute, the feeling is they are not part of the team, the KT’s want harmony and teamwork, but this is a big factor why this is not happening


4. How NT’s respect management

- education, age or wealth does not earn respect in a western organization
- managers must show they know their job well and if not, work with their ‘co-workers’ not ‘employees’ to find out how to solve a problem together
- NT’s respect managers who a nice, contribute well to the team and see themselves as part of the group not a controlling leader
- Managers have the duty to control the group, but not all the time, and only when very important issues come up

No Details
Examples:

- tasks such as ‘you call we go” , online teaching, the training programs in the beginning stages – very little information was given – if we do not ask, we are not told
- this will make NT’s angry because 1. it is not professional for a manager to present something without thinking about everything about it first 2. NT’s cannot do a good job without details 3. Failure is more likely to happen


Repetitive Work that is too easy
- NT’s will not be satisfied in their jobs if they are not learning
- This will cause people to leave their contract or not renew their contract



'New Teachers will solve the problem'

- these issues are a management problem, as all of the teachers have gone down hill attitude wise since working here. (No sh%t Sherlock. Maybe cause they are all incompetent fools but don't realize it...and so have travelled several miles up their own arses??)


Clear Expectations from the beginning that do not change

- there is no excuse for not having expectations, even for a new institute
- this is not baby treatment, this is letting people know, and they only need to be informed one time


Class Oberservations

- teachers need structure and feedback
- it is rude to watch a class and not say anything (mainly because the teachers don't want the management to see their lesson...as it is probably shite)

Killing Time, 'You Call We Go', putting on womens clothes

During times when there are no kids camps sceduled, us foreign 'teachers' have quite an easy time of it. There are the school visits (travelling freak shows), but there are usually only 2 of those in a week, and we are only 'working' for about 3 hours. We get paid extra for this would you believe. So the other days, when there is nothing on, are spent doing whatever we want...as long as we come to work from 9am-6pm. Recently I and Paul have been playing corridor football - a great game with a sponge football. The corridors here are very long, and the aim is to try and blast the ball beyond the other person. It is fun, but frustrating that I cannot beat someone who is both shorter and wider than me, and who is from Canada which is not renowned for it's football. Paul also gloats endlessly. He knows that, although to many people, this silly game with a sponge ball may not seem important such is the tedium of working only with incompetant muppets, this has become the highlight of the week for both of us. It's a great energy release, without which there may be violence towards certain muppets ...and their gramatically incorrect signs that are everywhere. I have never beaten Paul, so I guess his frustration must be greater than mine.

'You Call We Go'

To fill up a free day, the management here had a fantastic idea. A new service for any of the teachers who had participated in the elementary or secondary school training programs was set up. It is called 'You Call, We Go'. This catchy title was to imply that if any teacher who had been trained by us was having a problem implementing some of the great ideas taught by the muppets into their lessons in their own school, then they could call us for help. We would then jump into the bus and dash to their school to observe one of their lessons, then provide helpful feedback - and so solve the problem. It's kind of like Superman helping people in need. At least, that's how it is intended to be seen. Actually the teacher who requests our assisstance needs to tell us 3 weeks in advance, and send us his/her lesson plan. The teacher will also get given points which can enhance his/her career prospects in the future...so it's not so much a cry for help, but more a chance for a one lucky teacher to stage a well rehersed demonstraion lesson to help them get a pay rise.

So...we did receive that call. A teacher was in desperate need of our assistance. Two weeks later, we were called to a meeting for a briefing before rushing off the following week to wherever we were told to go. All I could think was...I hope we are not too damn late.

In the meeting, we were told that one of the elementary school teachers wants us to observe her lesson and we were given her lesson plan. We would oberve the lesson, then give our opinions on the lesson. We were also told that each of us (5) would have to give a lecture to lots of other Korean teacher trainees who had been invited to attend. Our lectures were to be a staggering 10 minutes long, and could be about...anything we liked. Crazy Koean/American said she thought it would be fun, and planned to talk about her life in Hollywood. BFA Pete said he would talk about his time on Broadway. Ellena said she would talk about bunny rabbits and other cute things with fur. Jerrald said he would talk about 'some things'. He wouldn't say what, as he wanted it to be a surprise. Others tried to guess, and agreed that it was probably going to be about spaceships. Jerrald looked annoyed - I think they had guessed. But then came the devestating news that the lectures should be related to teaching...and be relevant to the trainees who would be there. Suddenly there was silence. BFA Pete was the first to speak, and asked what the word 'relevant' meant. Jerrald then asked if he could talk about his uncle, who he is related to, and is a teacher. He was told 'no'. Crazy Korean/USA girl then said she would rather talk about Hollywood, as it is more interesting than teaching...which is a boring topic. The supervisor in charge then explained that as they are all teachers themsleves, they should be able to think of suitable topics to talk about for 10 minutes...related to teaching. Jerrald then suddenly spoke out, happily repeating that his uncle is realated to him, but seemingly forgetting this idea had just been rejected two minutes earlier. There followed silence, open mouths, and blank expressions. I then asked the supervisor who is it we are going to observe. Out of the 71 trainees that we had taught in the summer, only one had asked for our 'help'. And who was this?? The Girl Who Was Once Nice...who hasnt spoken to me for weeks and who hates my guts. I joined the others by opening my mouth and staring into thin air, expressionless. 71 people...why her?

The day arrived sooner than I wanted, and although I had prayed to be ill, I wasn't. As this is all I have asked Him for, I think He (God) doesnt exist, or does but is a bastrd. When we arrived The Girl Who Was Once Nice was greeting everyone. But when I got nearer to the door she went away. We observed her lesson. It was well planned and the kids seemed to know everything and do exactly as they were told. It was the perfect lesson, and I guess had been practised many times. Former Nice Girl didn't look at me once. I guess she might not have been feeling very comfortable with me observing her...but I wasnt exactly comfortable either. After the lesson came the feedback. I was asked to comment, and said some nice words about her teaching. She just looked down and nodded. Then I was asked to give some 'constructive critisism'. So I said that asking the question 'Do you understand?' to a class of 30 kids (as she had done) is pretty pointless, as they all say 'yes'...but many probably don't. I suggested a better way to check understanding. Former Nice Girl did not look at all happy... and I thought maybe I shouldn't have said anything. But it was too late. Oh well...it's not like we will ever have to meet again. After that came the lectures. BFA Pete talked about jigsaw puzzles, Jerrald talked about using Excel spreadsheets to write a diary, Ellena talked about schools in Canada, and I can't remember what Crazy K/A talked about. I talked about puppies. When we left The Girl Who Was Once Nice took great care to stay well away from me, and didn't even make eye contact. I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me.

The other day where we actually had to do something was on Wednesday, when we all got on the bus to go to another poor school somewhere in the countryside.
This one I was not looking forward to, as the Korean teacher who usually plays one of the ugly sisters was in Nepal half way up mount Everest. Ths boss therefore asked me to stand in. In fact, the boss was too scared to ask me, so got Ellena to ask instead. I said no, but it turned out that it wasn't really a question. In the end Ellena said I have to do it cause the boss said so. The only other person who could do it was BFA Pete, but the thought of a 63 year old balding American in a dress made me agree to do it. Sometimes I have to put the kids first, and there is no knowing what that could do to kids so early in their lives. I was annoyed because I swore that I would never dress up as a woman and make a fool of myself in this ridiculous Smellarella performance. I trid one last attempt to get out of it by saying I couldn't rememeber my lines. But someone pointed out that I don't really have any lines, I am just there so the kids laugh at me.

I looked ok, with ample bosom provided by two medium sized balloons, and nice long hair. I refused to take my trousers off, but did roll them up to my knees. I was forced to wear lipstick and blusher, but did look pretty damn gorgeous before I went on stage. I managed to convince everyone I was really not happy about this situation, and avoided the photographer...so there is no photographic record of this. As it happens, the performance was played out to another stunned audience who made far less noise than the foreigners on the stage...as usual.

Weasley

The hair of Ron Weasley...




...and the face of Snape.



Rons brothers.....

I do not look like them. Nor any of these people. I don't have ginger hair, and I am not old and miserable looking. The next kid that mentions any of these names might have a terrible accident...

Photos - Kids, and Crazy Korean/American Signs

This student thought it was so funny to draw a picture of me on the board. The cheeky but nervous smile ended about two seconds after this photo was taken. Maybe, she will never smile again. That'll learn 'er.



I can be nice to students. This one was very sad to leave come Friday, although we had been taking the p*$$ out of each other all week. Her group even added me as an evil character in their skit performance. But on the last day she cried...and gave me a hug. I was moved, but I told her to stop crying and clear off home, as we've got another group coming on Monday.



Outside the Crazy Korean/American's classroom you can find this delight. A desk, upon which is an invitation to write some fan mail. Another sign, just in case the studetns are not crystal clear, asks for a letter to be written. I wonder what she does with them? They might come in useful at her next job interview...which should'nt be far away now. But whatever you do, don't take the markers.



A nice, friendly welcome sign to greet the students when they arrive on Monday. This is on the door of the computer room, which studetns are allowed to use anyway in their spare time to do homework. Why it has been there for months I'm not sure. Nobody has even questioned it. I didn't mention it as it provides me with entertainment each time I walk past. Does Crazy Korean/American not realise that an exclamation mark ends the sentence? Just so there is no doubt left in anyones mind...on a travelling camp a few weeks ago, she turned to me and asked 'Is London in the UK?' If she leaves, so does the entertainment. No matter. Incidentally, the students are not scared of the 'Red Sticker Zone', because they don't know what it means. And neither is it explained.



You may have guessed already, but the mock 'Restaurant' venue belongs to Crazy Korean/American girl. Anyone who wants to go in here must STOP, and making a mess is a very bad thing. Once again though, this sign provides much amusement as it is, once again, gramatically incorrect. It actually asks people to do the exact opposite of what she means.
There are not many words on these two signs, and they are the only two signs she has made. But both are just fantastic. I hope she will make many more. I'll ask her to make an 'exit' sign, and wait to see how she can f%$k that one up....because she certainly will.

Weeks 18-22 (October) Eviction time

Well, another month has passed. I couldn't update the blog because I became listless and lazy during this period. However, this has now passed and so I will input what I can remember.

Main news:
BFA Pete wants to renew his contract and stay for another year, as does the Crazy Korean/American. My aim during the following few weeks is to make sure that doesn't happen.

Paul, my new best friend, has got a girlfriend - so I am sad. She is 22 and was a teacher trainee that came here before. He knows I am sad, and so sends me text messages every time he meets her to tell me he is with her. I don't like Paul very much anymore.

I met up with Nice Girl, but got into trouble cause I was 15 mins late. We spent the day walking around a park. In the evening she went back to her hometown, but not before I had missed the final of the Under 18's Football Tournament between Nigeria and Spain, which was annoying cause it was on TV. Thakfully Nigeria won it, and will now probably win the World Cup in 2010. Nice Girl knew I wanted to watch it, but suggested we go somewhere where there was no TV. When she finally went home I had the misfortune to bump into the other Korean/American in this city, who hates Koreans and Korea. She will go on and on about what is wrong with Korea. I cannot stand her at all, but she likes me for some reason. She is the kind of person that after you have met once or twice, you want to ask 'Why do you exist?'. Everytime I see her I cannot stop an expression of 'Oh sh%t, not you again' spreading accross my face - but she doesn't notice. Sadly it seems, she doesn't have many friends. Now that Paul has cheated on me, neither do I. Never mind.

A week or so later...
The Girl Who Was Once Nice now refuses to speak to me at all. Why? Well, I didn't go to see her in her hometown like I said I would. Why? Because I went out to continue my research into Korean beers on Saturday night, and there must have been something wrong with one of them, as on Sunday I could not move all day. It also made my memory go, so I didn't call The Girl Who Was Once Nice to tell her I wouldn't come. She didn't call me either.
The following day I sent an e-mail to say 'Oops. Sorry I forgot.' But there was no reply. I think she hates me now. No matter. It wasn't going that well really, so it's probably for the best. It's not like we have to see each other again, so although it's a messy ending, at least it's an ending.

English Camps...
There have been several more kids camps. Each time someone mentions the 'Weasley' word, or 'Ron's brothers...the twins'. After they see my expression they usually add 'Oh...he's very handsome' - but the words are hollow. I'm becoming immune now anyway.
At the last camp BFA Pete and Crazy Korean/American girl judged the kids performances as they acted out such wonders as 'Snow White' and 'Smelly Cinderella'..as well as 4 others. Also judging was the new Korean supervisor, Ms. Kim. Ms. Kim seemed to see things differently to the other two, and disagreed about the winner. This angered the two judges from the USA greatly. Later that evening I had the fortune to be in the same room as the USA people when BFA Pete said to the Crazy K/A:

'That woman doesn't know what she is doing! I mean, I have performed on Broadway, and you lived in Hollywood, so we both know about acting. What experience does she have?' They were judging 5 minute skits by students who had never acted before, couldn't speak English that well, and were shy and nervous.


The other 2 teachers on my floor who I work with will leave after their contracts expire. That being Ellena - our supervisor who doesn't supervise, and her boyfriend Gerrad, who doesn't do much at all. Gerrad goes in December, and his missus follows in January. There is the possiblilty of a complete clean sweep - all 4 who I have to work with might be gone by February, and that would be a dream come true.

Ellena, our supervisor from Canada has had enough of it here and wants to go. Can't blame her. I am in no way jealous of the fact she has 6 hours of 'Movie English' each week where all she does is put on a DVD of 'Edward Scissorhands' and leaves the kids to watch it...with Korean subtitles of course. The hardest part for her is to remember to return to the classroom when the movie finishes to tell the kids 'class is over'. Once Ellena said she has a very busy day on Tuesdays. I pointed out that most of the day was actually spent watching a movie. She said I should imagine what it's like to watch the same movie over and over again. I said to her that she doesn't watch the f_____g movie at all, cause she is never in the f_____g room when it is on, so how the f___ can she say that to me? There was complete silence. She had left the room before I said those words, but I think she knew what I was going to say...and that's why she left.

Eviction Meeting.
Towards the end of the month we were called to a meeting. In the meeting, the Korean leader told us that 3 contracts were up for renewal, and as is a tradition in the Korean work place, we should all evaluate our collegues. We were handed a form upon which were heading such as 'Enthusiasm', 'Teaching ability', 'Ability to get along with co-workers', and 'Personality'. We should grade BFA Pete and Crazy Korean/American. Paul was also up for renewal but as he works with different people, I'm not allowed to comment on him. This was all explained to us in detail - with the 3 evictees also in the room, which must have been uncomfortable for them. Shame.

This is an exciting time - Who will get evicted?? Will it be a double eviction?? Paul is hot favourite to stay...but will the other two be packing their bags come December? We decide! But we don't really cause it's the leader who has probably already decided, but would rather make out it was the decision of the whole group. Anyway...it's definately exciting here all of a sudden.

The next day in the Big Freaky House:
BFA Pete is in David's room. Pete is being very nice to David today. David wants a big pizza for lunch and considers asking BFA Pete to go and get it for him...but decides to have an egg sandwich instead.
Crazy Korean/American is in the corridoor. She is visiting various people in their classrooms to bring them joy and happiness and to say nice words and do good things. Today she loves kids, and is thrilled to work 'with such nice people'. BFA Pete looks annoyed that he didn't think of saying that.
Paul is also in David's classroom. He is looking smug and comfortable in the knowledge that he is the publics favourite to stay in the house.
Ellena and Gerrad are nowhere, and have no idea what's going on. Neither do they care.
Four of the housemates have failed the two tasks given to them to date, one of which was to simply get along, and the other was to teach kids much more better English in a way that didn't confuse and disappoint them. The remaining housemate, who will not be named, has gradually been going insane since his arrival into the Big Freaky House in June, and is considering nominating himself for eviction if he doesn't get his way bloody soon.

Friday, 4pm
David and the Big Boss are alone in David's room. BB asks David, in confidence, what he thinks of the 2 nominated muppets he works with that are up for eviction. David replies:
BFA Pete doesn't get along with people because his brain makes his mouth open before it has finished thinking. This will never change. He has no respect for authority, is rude to kids, has sworn at kids, has hit kids, has squirted kids and teachers with a water gun, has made lude remarks about the 12 and 15 year old kids he teaches, has no real perception of the fact that the students don't understand most of what he says, he teaches irrellevent things in an irrelevent way, and finally he thinks he doen't have an accent. To sum up - he is an arse.
About Crazy Korean/American David said: She doesn't teach, she shouts and screams. She doesn't talk to students, she talks at them. Her English ability is embarrasingly low, which she displays to everyone by making signs with bad grammar and putting them around the building. She always tells the kids she lived in Hollywood, and gives them lots of sweets during class so that they like her. She is unstable. She is, at times, evil. She has a 'Fan mail' box outside her room. To sum up - she is pain in the freakin arse.
To conclude: It would be the easiest thing in the world to find 2 replacements better than these two. If you want this 'English Camp' to improve, don't renew their contracts. Tinky Winky and Dipsy can do better than them.

Weeks 15-18

These weeks passed by very quickly and so are all muddled up.
Week 15 - 2 Travelling Freaky shows
Week 16 - Elementary kids came to try and learn something useful
Week 17 - Middle school kids came to try not to learn anything much cause they are at that age where they don't want to learn anything.
Week 18 - Nothing happend as there was a 3 day holiday called Chusuck, which was nice as it allowed me to get to know Korean beer a bit better. After I had finished lots and lots of it I got them all mixed up and forgot which beers were good. So I had to do it all again the following evening. I was still unclear the following evening, and so have decided to continue this investigation over a longer period of time...until June 2008. I enlisted the help of my new best froend in Korea, Paul. Paul comes from upstairs, and has similar views on the freaky people that are here. We have agreed that neither of us will become gay. We will be 'just good friends'.

Things of note:
BFA Pete is still here. I thought he might have got the boot after the teachers complained about him. But of course the Korean leaders believe it's better to ignore problems until they go away...or not. If you don't ignore them then you have to do someting about them...and we don't want to do that, do we.
I have been given completely new mock venues to do. This time I have 'Andy's Fast Food Restaurant', the 'Tourist Information Centre', and 'The Street'. I also have to teach a 'Song and Dance' class, and skit class. Did I have any choice about this? No. Why not? Because just before I arrived in Korea the other foreigners here got together and chose what they wanted to do...and left the new guy (me) with all the worst/least interesting classes. Ellena (our 'leader') was too gutless to tell me, and all the others kept quiet too. So when I found out I had little time to prepare, or rather completely re-design all these failed lessons from last semester. I love the people I work with so much. They are great.

Elementary Kids week -
The Elementary kids were great fun and very lively...as they always are. It's just a shame they are left disappointed by so many of the lessons. In one class a student said I looked like Harry Potter, which I thought a bit odd, as I don't in any way look like him. But then the following happened:
Kid - 'Oh no...not Harry Potter. His friend. What's his name?'
Me - 'Dumbledore?'
Kid - 'No. John someone...'
Me - (sounding sad)'Do you mean Ron someone?'
Kid - 'Yes'
Me - (in a sad voice) 'Ron Weasley?'
Kid - (sounding very excited) 'Yes!'

The others agreed. They don't understand what they are doing to me, so I tried to forget it. But I was reminded often thoughout the week. I blame JK Rowling forr my current depression.
I can't remember much else of what happened during this period, but I guess it must be pretty much the same as before.

Weeks 13 & 14 - Back To England

Jim, a good friend of mine, decided to have a wedding and get married...so I returned to England to witness this foolish act. I had an early flight on the Sunday, and so went to Seoul the night before. Nice girl said she would come with me and show me around a part of Seoul...which was kind of her.
Again the day was planned out very well. Everything was written down...even the name of the restaurant where we would have lunch, and the streets we would walk down. Nice Girl first took me to a hotel so I could drop off my luggage. I needed a hand understanding the Korean instructions for the air conditioner, but I had to work it out myself cause apparently 'it is forbidden for a girl to go into a mans room'. I almost said 'sh*t' again, but stopped myself and said 'bol%*cks' instead.
It was a plesant, very organised day - and we did not sway from the plan. When she left to catch a bus back to her hometown she said I should call her everyday when I am in England. I had been given my orders.

England.
I was looking forward to a nice 2 week break, and was hoping for some good summer weather. After all, it is August.
I was met at the airport by cold wind and rain, neither of whom I had planned on meeting. Getting to Kings Cross from Heathrow can cost about the same as a plane ticket back to Korea. But there are now 2 trains that go into London, and they use the same track. One costs 20 pounds, and the other is 7, but takes 5 minutes longer. The ticket man asked me which one I wanted to take, and I thought long and hard before telling the man I would like to go on the 7 pound train. He reminded me it is slower than the fast one. I thought again, but decided to stick with it.
The underground from Paddington to Kings Cross, for some reason, now costs 4 pounds, which is the cheapest ticket you can buy. In China and Korea the underground is a cheap form of transport, but in these countries there are no dirty carriages, scratched windows, litter, drunk people, dodgy people, depressed people, grafiti, delays, really loud noise, and a la toilet aroma as there is on the London underground which is why, I guess, it's so expensive.
By the time I got to Kings Cross it was 11pm, and it takes an hour to get to Cambridge. But not tonight. Tonight the trains stopped at a place I didn't want to go to, and then a bus replacement service would take people to all the other stops that nobody wanted to go to, all the way to Cambridge. There was no extra charge for this special service, which was nice. As I was waiting for the train, a friendly person holding a can of beer came to talk to me. He had been drinking all night he said, and was smashed. He asked me to help him find his train because he couldn't see or walk very well. He said he wanted to get to Cambridge, which was fantastic. After the 20 minute journey to the place we didn't want to go to, me and my new best friend got off, and I helped him find the bus...which he appreciated a lot as he said he thought he was in Cambridge, and was about to get a taxi to wherever he was staying.
The bus journey was just great. There was heavy rain outside but we were all dry in the bus. There was no heating, however, and so it was p*ss cold. The bus driver was a friendly chap too, and he was from Poland. He said he hadn't driven along this route before, and asked if we could help him. My best friend was only too pleased to help, and talked to the driver for a long time. He then came and sat with me again, and continued telling me about some things in a language that only he could understand.
The bus driver was soon lost, and we turned around several times. My best friend said he was sure he knew me from somewhere...and as we talked we discovered that we went to the same secondary school, and although he was 5 years older than me, we knew many of the same people. We were then the bestest of best friends. After 2 hours on the bus replacement service bus, as we began to freeze and wondered where the hell we were, he told me he didn't like England very much, and wanted to go and live in Thailand. I said the people in Thailand are very nice, but he should stay in England and support his countries lost bus drivers. He liked that idea.
When we arrived at our destination it was 2am. Luckily mum was still awake and came to pick me up. I said to the drunk man that we could give him a lift to his house, and he was very happy. Mum wasn't so happy, but we all got a long fine. It had taken the same time to get home from Heathrow as it takes to get half way back to Korea on a plane.
Things would surely get better, but two days later an elderly gentleman decided to drive into my hire car in a car park. His reaction time was so slow that after hitting me once he came at me again and hit another part of the car. We were going around 3mph. He did say sorry, but there goes 500 pounds from my bank account. The following 6 hours of that day was spent sitting on the M25 after some lorries drove into each other, and a few miles further down the road a car rolled over after hitting nothing at all. At this time I didn't like England very much. Just when it was getting better I had to leave and go back to Korea. So I did.

Elemementary Teacher Training course Week 4 - Mission accomplished

The final week has ended. Overall the lessons went very well, and the final mission was accomplished - vvv nice girl seems to like me rather more than I thought she might.
There was a day off during the final week - a Korean national holiday to mark independence from Japan (the Koreans, along with the Chinese, seem to dislike this nation quite a lot). On Monday I got talking to vvv nice girl, and asked her what she will do on her day off. She said she had no plan....and then asked me if I wanted to visit her hometown and she could show me around. I accepted her offer even before she had finished offering it to me - and I think in hindsight I may have come across as a bit desperate. Never mind. She also gave me a coffee drink that she had bought for me that morning (it's in a pot...with a straw. They sell it in Korea and she had noticed I often drink it). So, things were definitely looking up.

The lessons were going well. I had quite a few 'Post Office' venues, and many 'Games and Quizzes' classes to do. Just as I was about to start class E's 'Games and Quizzes' lesson, one of the teachers asked me 'Who was your first love?' Now, I didn't mind this, as it proved that I had successfully created a good rapport with them, and they were now comfortable enough to ask me a personal question. After I had told them, (which took about 1 minute - the same reply would also have answered the question 'Can you tell us about your love life over the past 34 years?) I jokingly said 'Now what about you?!' to the whole class, thinking they would laugh, not want to tell me, and then I would start the lesson. However, they didn't, and over the next 1 hour and ten minutes all but 2 of them opened up completely about their 'first love'. They were far more interested in this topic than anything I was planning on teaching...and so I changed the title of the lesson (which was on the big plasma screen) from 'Games and Quizzes' to 'Group Discussion - 'My First Love''. I could justify the change as they were all speaking and listening in English...so it was oral English practice. One lady, who I thought quite shy, really talked a lot and was incredibly sincere. Everyone was listening intensely to her every word...and it was a really sad story! One part I remember is where she went to the river and floated a paper boat down the river towards the town where this chap she loved lived. She wrote a message on it, and hoped he would find it. But he didn't cause he had no idea she liked him, and the chances of him even being near the river were pretty remote. But she did it anyway. Years later she met him again, and they both confessed that they had really liked each other ...but neither of them knew the others feelings. By the time they met, they were both married to someone else. This story got one member of the class openly crying her eyes out...and others were not far off doing the same. There were a lot of sad stories actually...and they were all so keen to tell them!
The only male in the class told us about a girl he really liked, and he had a 'special place' where he would confess his feelings. This seemed to work, as they got together. The class thought that very romantic. He then said it's a really good place...and has worked many times since with a variety of different girls. After that it seemed the class didn't think this place was quite as romantic as they first thought. I decided I would ask him later where this 'special place' is, as it never seemed to fail. But I forgot.
For the last 10 minutes I quickly told them about what I was planning on teaching them had they not decided to tell everyone about their love lives. At the end of the course they have to grade my teaching for each lesson. I wonder what I will get for this?
I went to visit vvv nice girls city on the free day, and she had everything planned out very well. We went to a kind of memorial/museum park type place...where I learned about many bad things the Japanese did during the war. At the end of the day when we were having dinner she said a few things to me that gave me the feeling that, from this moment on, we are a couple. It was a tad hasty, I thought.
On Thursday the teachers did their skit performances on stage. Many were afraid of this, and I feared it might be an embarrassing disaster. In actual fact, every performance was excellent, and D class came up with the best of them. They all put our own 'Smellarella' skit to shame. Thankfully the foreigners did not perform...so few people know how bad we are.
After the performances someone from Class A whispered to me that they wanted to invite Crazy Korean/American, Paul (from upstairs), and myself to dinner...but not the others. We all snuck out early and went to the restaurant. On the way I was in car with vvv nice girl (who wanted to keep our 'relationship' top secret)and another teacher, and I warned them that if Crazy Korean/American girl drinks alcohol, she will be loud and obnoxious (I thought it best to be blunt). They said I should not worry and that everything will be fine. Fools.
The meal was in a traditional Korean restaurant where everyone sits on the floor and the tables are very low. Men should sit crossed legged with their knees under the table, and ladies sit....like ladies who sit on the floor sit. As I can't get my knees under the table, I always have to sit like a lady. It's frustrating as anyone who sees me thinks I choose to sit like a lady. They don't realize I can't sit the 'man' way.
I had to sit next to Crazy Korean/American...and things went well for around 25 minutes. Then, once the Sodue (Korean alcohol) had taken effect, everyone fell silent as Crazy K/A banged the table to make an announcement. This is what she said (in a loud, drunk Korean/American type way):
'I would just like to say something. I wanna say that when I first came to Korea I didn't like it. I didn't like the Korean culture, and I didn't like the people. I'm from LA in the US, and I really wanted to go back. I just didn't like it here. But now, after meeting you guys, I feel I like it much more.' Nice one. Koreans are very polite, and so smiled and gave her a clap once she had finished slagging off their country. I tried to make my knees, and the rest of my body go under the table, but I couldn't.
Quite a lot of alcohol was being consumed, and Paul was making his way around to every female in an effort to chat them up. He also tried to chat up vvv nice girl, which proved to be a mistake. When he moved on to the next female, Crazy/Korean American went to speak to vvv nice girl and, as I later found out, told her to stay away from Paul, as he was hers (Paul didn't know this). Vvv nice girl was shocked at this, and told Crazy K/A that actually she liked me (so as to calm the nutcase down). From that moment on the evening became a nightmare.
We all moved on to a karaoke bar, and had a few more drinks. Crazy K/A saw this as good chance for her to match make, and loudly and embarrassingly tried to get vvv nice girl and me to talk to each other, or hold hands....thinking we were too shy to speak to each other. It was like being back in the school playground. The rest of Class A couldn't fail to notice this...and so the secret was pretty much out. Vvv nice girl couldn't bare any more of it...and left the room we were in. I explained to Crazy K/A that we already know we like each other, but we want to keep it private right now. She responded by telling me to hold her hand. The alcohol was deep-rooted in her system, and would stay there for a long time.
I chose a song to sing and some beer to drink, and was just going to get started when vvv nice girl returned and told me to go outside. I then got into trouble. Apparently I should have followed her out when she left the room. Oh well. We talked for a while, and she said Crazy K/A is....crazy. I did warn her before, but to be fair nobody could possibly guess what that girl is like when she drinks. I asked her why she wanted so desperately to keep it a secret that we liked each other. She explained that her father is a high ranking official in the education department of the local government, and he would not be happy if he found out. I asked why, and she said it's because I am a foreigner, and her father doesn't think Koreans should be with foreigners. That's a nice explanation. A short time later I made another error, by uttering the work 'sh*t' when I thought Crazy K/A had seen us. Vvv nice girl said she was 'very disappointed' in me for saying such a bad word. Hmm.
Soon everyone came out of the karaoke and took a bus back to their city. Vvv nice girl got a lift back with them. Faced with the possibility of staying out longer with Crazy KA, I went home too. Half an hour later I sent a text message to vvv nice girl - and she replied saying I was late sending her a text, but she forgives me. I decided to remove all of her ' v's ', so now she is just 'nice girl'.

Friday was the last day, and all the Elementary School Teachers were asked to write assessments on each of the foreign teachers and their lessons. I would love to read what they wrote about BFA Pete...but I think we will only be given feedback on our own lessons. And so, after many photos and a farewell speech, they all went away. The next teacher 'training' course will be in January. From now on it's back to travelling freak shows and kids camps. Joy.

Elementary Training Course - Week 3

The third week didn't get off to the best of starts. One of my first classes was class A - which I was looking forward to very much. The very very nice girl in this class is now very very very nice, I have decided, but I show no favouritism...cause I am very professional. The topic of their lesson was 'Daily life', and I was hoping vvv nice girl would ask me some off the record question in the 'Find someone who...' activity (like 'I really like you...do you like me?). Instead she chose to ask me some of the questions on her sheet of paper:
'Do you often leave the washing-up until the next day?'
'Umm...yes'
'Do you do any exercise?'
'Umm, well...not at the moment, but I am planning on...' (she cuts me off and continues...)
'Do you ever read a book in the evenings?'
'Well, I used to...but, umm...I try to read many online articles and...'
'That's a 'no' then. Thanks - I can put your name in these boxes.'
The next thing she said was devastating...
'Oh...umm...what's your name? Sorry. I forgot.'

So the vvv nice girl now knows that whatsizname here is a really lazy bastrd and probably lives like a rat in a sewer. Forgetting my name is a bit of a sucker-punch. That was not meant to happen. Maybe she was just a bit flustered.





I had to get though 10 hours of talking about the 'Post Office' venue this week. This is the hardest venue to make interesting, as there is not much inside to keep students active. To talk about it for 2 hours with each class is a bit tough, so I spent many hours trying to think of ways to make it interesting. I finally came up with something that might work. One of the activities I asked them to do was to (in groups of 3) make up their own dialogues based on what we had talked about in the lesson and also on some situation cards I gave them (such as 'It's your first day at work, and you have 2 difficult customers', or 'the Post Office worker is a complete arse and two customers who are rude bstrds walk in'). They seemed very keen to do this, and got about planning their skits. I explained that when the young kids come they are asked to just read the same dialogue one by one, which is pretty boring and they learn nothing. The teachers English is of a higher level, and it will be more challenging. When I said this to the class one of the students voiced her agreement, and then said that that is exactly what the other teachers here make them do in the other venues - repeat the same dialogues the kids used to read when they came! Luckily the lessons went well, with just one more next week.

The above may explain why two students in one class fell asleep in one of the other teachers' lessons. The teacher was not happy, and told them to be more interested in future. Later he complained about the students to all the other foreign teachers. Mr. Yang's daughter (who is on this course, along with his wife) got angry with the same teacher and yelled at him for not explaining an activity clearly before asking them to do it. He complained about her too. Of course, Gerrald, my friend, it's all their fault. But whatever you do, don't ask yourself why they fall asleep and get angry in your class.

On Thursday evening I went out for a drink with one of the students from class D...as she was the class leader and I would be with them on the Seoul trip the next day. As the beer flowed, she began opening up a bit about one of the teachers (which is pretty rare...the Koreans always keep criticism of others to themselves). She said (without naming any names) that one of the teachers in particular doesn’t come across very well, and has been very rude to the students in class. The rest of her group haven’t complained...she thinks its because most of them couldn’t understand what was being said to them anyway (which is probably true - this group is the weakest). The person in question asked for an opinion on something, but gave his own first. Then when an opinion that disagreed with his own was given, he poured scorn on it in a patronizing and humiliating way. He also yelled at one of the students (who are adult teachers!), and she told me, in another class he used a water gun on a woman who looked like she wasn't listening. It went all over her glasses and into her eyes...and after being humiliated in front of everyone, she cried. There could only be one person here who would do something like that....The Big Friendly American, Pete. What an arse. He just doesn't get it at all. He's big trouble and it's going to be impossible for me to keep my mouth closed for the next 6 months to keep the peace. But I know once I have said what needs to be said, he will explode, and will hate me with a passion forever. Oh well. The experience will do me good.
Unfortunately the more we talked the more we drank, and after 6 hours we realised we had to be on the bus to Seoul quite soon. The plan , when we got to Seoul was to take Group D to lunch at an Indian Restaurant, for a truly British experience. The foreign teachers in charge of each group all intended to visit a restaurant serving their own countries food, to give the Korean teachers a new experience. I told group D about English food...and they agreed not to eat it. The Indian was the closest safe alternative...although it is from India. They didn't quite understand, but I changed the topic before anyone could ask a question (which is easy to do with this group - they have a short attention span). BFA Pete told his group he was taking them all to visit an American restaurant where they can eat hamburger and fries. I heard several of them complaining...and 3 of them came to ask me if they could got to the Indian restaurant instead. Pete, being the diplomat he us, responded to the complaints by saying they must all go with him to eat hamburgers...and experience good American food....or rather, eat junk food and get fat (which the weight concious Korean women just love).
The Seoul trip didn't quite pan out the way I had planned. Being very tired and a bit hung over, I discovered that the vvv nice girl in group A was on a different coach to me. By the time our coach arrived, she had disappeared. So I decided not to try and lose Group D, and separate vvv nice girl from group A...as I had no idea where they had gone, and I prob. smelled of beer.
Actually, group D and I had a really good time. I think they enjoyed trying Indian (British) food...except the sweet corn soup, which seemed unusual to most of them. I only had to explain one thing - that usually people don't put the whole naan bread onto their plate and use a knife and fork on it. One chap still insisted on stuffing his naan with his main dish and rolling it up as if it were a pancake, but each to their own.

After the restaurant was the main treat of the day - a trip to the American Embassy. Oh what joy...and so many people were looking forward to it. The coach was full of excited Koreans and foreign teachers. The day before we had been reminded to take our passports or ID cards, otherwise we wouldn't be allowed in. As we got nearer, I realised I had done something terrible - I had left my passport and foreign ID card in my room...and so would not be allowed in. I told the Korean teachers around me on coach what I had done. I couldn't hide my bitter disappointment...and I almost cried. So I would have to take myself off somewhere else I said. I might go to a few shops and look around for the 3 hour duration of their Embassy visit. But, within seconds, someone else said they had forgotten their ID card too. Then there was another, and another. Quite a lot of people, it seemed, had suddenly discovered they had left their ID cards on their kitchen table, or near the door, on top of the TV, or 'somewhere in a different place...but not here' (that person panicked). The trip leader seemed a tad worried, and got off the bus first. We were just deciding where we could go when the organiser returned and said we should try to get in anyway. We were led through a side door where there was a metal detector and two guards. We were asked to walk through the detector and into a large conference room, where the 3 hour lecture about the USA was to take place. When I walked through the metal detector and alarm went off...but I was told to continue. I said to the guard the alarm went off, but he just said 'it's ok'. Many of the Korean teachers also set the alarm off and told him...but he didn't care. The first 5 said they don't have any ID on them - they had forgotten/lost it...but he again said 'it's ok'. They really tried to explain that it was not secure to let people in without ID and who also set off the alarm, but everyone was allowed in, and the door was closed. Bugger.

A big American lady started talking to us. One of the first things she wanted to discuss was the cultural differences between the USA and Korea. To do this, she brought up a picture of the Virginia Tech massacre in the US where a Korean American student shot lots of people. That set a good tone for the next 2 hours and 50 minutes. She wanted to look at the differences between the 2 countries reaction to this event (in Korea everyone felt guilty, in the US they just put the blame a mad man with a gun). Before she could make her point, the Crazy Korean/American teacher started yelling at her from the top of her loud voice...asking why she is showing the Korean shooting rather than any of the other gun massacres in America? The Crazy Korean/American continued to shout and yell throughout the 3 hours, and was usually completely missing the point. It was funny, but embarrassing all the same. Why did she do this? Because at lunch time she was drinking alcohol. This is what happens whenever she drinks alcohol. The fact that she was making a fool of herself infront of a lot of people didn’t matter to her. She would also shout out the answers to questions aimed at the Korean teachers (who this talk was for), and in doing so let her feelings about Korean culture be known. On a question about how parents look after their children, she yelled out again before anyone else could answer-
'Well in the US we look after our kids and take make sure they learn how to behave, but the Koreans don't...they just let them do whatever they want'. (There were 72 Korean teachers sitting listening to this...and Crazy girl is going to have to teach them all again next week). When she wasn’t shouting out, it was one of the Dingle brothers from Canada who was shouting out answers and opinions. BFA Pete only had a few things to say, and for once was completely out-yelled by these other two. It was an amazing scene, and an amazing experience. I will find out on Monday what the Korean teachers thought about it all. The message of the talk was basically - you do things like this in Korea and behave in this way...BUT IN AMERICA WE DO IT LIKE THIS!!!

One happy note to end on that I didn't mention. On Thursday the vvv nice girl in class A came to look for me for help. She wanted to know if I could help her pronounce some French words as she was going to have to do a talk which included some...and so asked me if I can speak it. I lied and said 'oui' so that she would sit with me for a while. I helped her with the pronunciation, guessing where I was not sure, and she seemed happy and grateful, although it was difficult for her. Ahh...she is nice.
Later she said she failed in her talk. That's a pity...but I said I can help her more next week...and she agreed. Sometimes failure is a good thing.

Week 2 of the 72 mostly female teachers training course

The second week of the Teacher 'Training' Course has gone very well.
So far, no one has made an official complaint, and my classes have gone as well as I could have hoped. I seem to have formed a good rapport with the students, and a somewhat unintentionally strong rapport with some individuals. The chap who's kid delighted in watching me get stabbed with a needle last week still brings me lunch everyday. His wife even called him one lunchtime to ask if I liked what she had made. I take in some ice-coffee in return...which he seemed to like until Friday, when he asked me not to bring him any more of it. I'll invite them all round for dinner next weekend (except the daughter) - I have managed to cook something this week that I would, for the first time, give to someone else to eat.
Of the 59 female teachers, there are now around 7 who are very nice, but there is one who is very, very nice. She is in class A - the one who asked me about why I am vegetarian last week. This week in a lesson with the teacher next door (the Crazy Korean/American), they all had to write their own restaurant menus (not sure why). They were all put on display in the corridor, and there was one that stood out a mile (to me anyway), as on one of the menus were the words 'vegetarian restaurant'. I looked to see who had made it, and...it was the very very nice teacher in class A! That's got to be a good sign, hasn't it??
Later in the week, Mrs. Cho (who is running this course, and has had to put up with most of the foreign teachers here shouting and yelling at her) stopped me in the corridor and told me that in a meeting with all the teachers, some of them asked her if I was single! She said she told them she thinks I am. Just at that moment the very very nice teacher was walking by, and, tactfully, Mrs. Cho stopped her and said to me 'what about her - she is very beautiful?' The very very nice teacher was embarrassed, but smiling....so I think Mrs. Cho did me a favour there. There are two weeks left, so still time to find out where she lives, if she likes me, and if she might like to meet up sometime. But I am gutless in these situations and I expect I will fudge it up and nothing happens.
There are, it seems, many other opportunities here...but I am now wishing there were more men here (I'm not gay). I think I have worked out who asked if I am single - a lady in class E. During a warm-up activity in the 'Daily Life' class I gave them an activity called 'Find someone who...' and there were a list of certain things, such as get up before 7am, leave the washing-up until the next day, etc. that they had to ask each other about. One teacher asked me some of these questions, and to one of them I answered 'no'. She asked me to say 'yes' so she could write my name in that box...but I said she would have to pay me first (as a joke of course). She said to me she didn't have any money, but what about a kiss? This was in the middle of a class - and she looked serious! I don't think anyone else heard her though. She then asked me questions that were not on the paper...my age, and what kind of girl I like. I answered 'female' - but now wish I had been a bit more specific. Her English is very good. The last class on Friday was awkward to say the least. She turned her chair to face me, and just stared at me. She is from Seoul - so is the complete opposite to any female living in this city. I asked her a question...to stop her staring - and she didn't know the answer because she hadn't been listening. It is flattering to have some attention...but she scares me - a lot. Paul the Canadian later told me that her and another teacher (who is very nice) are staying in a hotel here...and seem to like to party hard. They both missed most of the day on Wednesday cause they had been out drinking the night before. Then, on Thursday, they went out drinking with Paul and John (who is also Canadian, both from upstairs). Paul, who already said he is targeting any and all of the females, says he likes this crazy one a lot. I hope he gets a bloody move on.
A male Korean teacher from the same class said he really doesn't know why, but I seem to be popular with many of the teachers - a lot of whom are older women. I really don't know why either...but then again, the competition here comprises of 3 Canadians who walk around with their tongues hanging out, a 60 odd year old American who is overly friendly, and Gerrud the New-Zealander who, although looking like John Travolta, is going out with Erica (the 'leader' of us foreigners...and who's car is too small).

Next Friday there is a trip to Seoul that everyone will go on. The foreign teachers will be responsible for one class each - and it seems I have been allotted class D. If I had known about this I would have requested class A. But I've got the class with the weakest English level, with an old chap who doesn't seem to like being a student again after 19 years teaching. He always has an expression on his face that lets it be known he is either confused or angry, or both. In the 'find someone who...' activity I asked the class to stand up and move around the room, and to talk to different people. So he sat down, and spoke to one person. Three others in the class (of 12) can speak between very little and no English, and there is no bubbly personality here as there is in all the other classes, and it's pretty hard to lift them. The one lady who can speak good English (who entered into the top 7 females here...but is married with 2 kids, and so dropped out of it) said to me that for their class performance (they all must do one near the end of the course - on stage) nobody is interested in it, or cares. And I have to look after them in Seoul. Great. Could be worse I suppose...could have got given class E...with that nutter. I think, in reality, group D will be taking me around, as I have no idea where to go or do in Seoul. I will suggest we follow class A. Then my plan is to merge the two groups, causing confusion and disorganisation. In the melee, I will then attempt to part the very very nice teacher from the group. Those evenings in watching 'One Man and His Dog' will come in very handy here. Finally, we will become lost. I will then suggest going to a nice restaurant. Then, in a rather swarve maneuver, I will then whip out my book of 'Cheap Hotels in Seoul'. She will be impressed with me I think. I just hope the nutter in class E has not been watching One Man and His Dog as well. I don't want to be left alone with her at any time.

Photos - some of the teachers

One half of 'Group A'. There are some very nice people on this course...see centre right of this photo for example. Ahh...a lovely smile.

Group E - bottom left of photo - speaks excellent English...and is very direct. Am a little bit afraid...yeah.

They are here...

Monday was an exciting day. Of the 72 teachers that arrived, 13 were unfortunately male. But that still left 59 females. Of the 59, 2 were pretty damn fine on the first day, and 6 more have become that way as the week has gone on. One of them is definitely single, as she said she still lives with her parents...and wears no ring. Paul, who works on the floor above and is relatively normal said he thinks 59 of the 59 females are nice...which gives him a fairly good chance of success I guess, even though around 20 of them could be called senior teachers or old ladies, and I guess 50 of them are married with children. Paul tells me that he often tries to persuade them to leave their husbands...but I'm not sure if he is serious or not. I wouldn't count it out though - he willingly got himself into a compromising situation with the Crazy Korean/American girl one alcohol infused evening a while back (and so therefore cannot really be called normal).
The very nice and possibly single girl who lives with her mum is in class A (there are 6 classes of 12), and I have had her twice this week. The second time she seemed less shy, and came early so she could chat to me about vegetarianism, which was nice. I think she is due to come again once this (following) week, and a couple of times the week after. By that time we should be getting on pretty well.

Despite the disappointing turnout of 1, the lessons have gone very well. Their English level is a bit mixed, but on average, it's average. There are lively ones in all but one of the classes, and they are good fun to teach. The teacher training course (CELTA) I took in Malaysia has definitely helped, and I can finally develop the skills I learnt there, as for the first time I have been given the chance to actually teach.

As for the other teachers, I'm not sure how things are going for them. I asked one class how the course is going overall, and they declined to answer the question...and ended up laughing at their own lack of response. The culture here is to say nothing if you can't say something good...which is what they do. However, as time went on, they would make comments about other teachers... such as 'Terrance speaks very fast' (which means ‘I can't understand a bloody word he says’), and 'John is a nice person' (= ‘John's a shite teacher’). Another comment to me was that I was thought to be relaxed while teaching, but 'the Americans are very loud'. I think Big Friendly American Pete (who has no accent), is in his element here - he seems to be talking for 75 minutes of the 80 minute lessons, and is getting a few good comments from the students, which is a bit surprising but there you are. One of his classes is 'drama'. He was on Broadway you know.

Each class has a 'leader', and they have meetings with the Korean lady who is running this course. This is where they really say what they mean, and after 5 days the main complaint was that some teachers are not giving an example of how to do something before asking the students to do a task. This was passed on to us in one of our own meetings, and the reactions were pretty amusing. Crazy Korean/American girl immediately declared it cannot be her because she hasn't given them any activities, closely followed by BFA Pete who said it can't be him either. Ellena, our 'leader' seemed to take offence at this complaint, and in turn complained about the students. Several of them said that it's the students fault for not telling them they don't understand, and so therefore 'how are we supposed to know?' Blaming the students for poor classes is a great way to shift the blame, and I will do the same if/when I need to. There is nothing but high quality teachers at this establishment.

On Friday evening, Ellena, her boyfriend Jerrud (who is also a teacher here, fairly normal, and looks a lot like John Travolta, and yes...does fancy himself), and me went out for a few drinks with two of the Elementary Teachers on our course. It was a little uncomfortable at first, because as soon as they arrived Ellena quizzed them in great detail on why they had complained. They also said they had been given too much homework (Ellena gave them homework), and that BFA Pete was doing a good job (Ellena can't stand BFA Pete). It was pretty funny I guess, as for every question she asked came a reply she didn't want to hear. She was quiet for the rest of the night...which was nice. She is from Canada you know.

On Saturday I met up with one of the (unfortunately) male teachers on the course. I was happy to do so, but was also obliged to as he had brought in lunch for me for 4 of the 5 days so far. He asked his wife to make me special vegetarian kimbap - which is the same as the sushi rolls in Japan. It's very nice. I got to meet his wife, and their two children after they drove 1 hour from their hometown to meet me.
Their time of arrival could have been better, as at that very moment I was about to get another blood test done (to check cholesterol). I said I would only be a few minutes, and so they waited outside. In the doctors surgery I saw the attractive nurse/receptionist who missed the vein before, and I hoped she would try again as I now think she is very cute indeed. But she didn't do it this time. Instead it was a stern looking nurse who gave the impression that she wanted to/likes to hurt people. The door of the room where she was to hurt me was left wide open, and I looked out of it as she got the needle ready. But just seconds before penetration, into the room walks the teacher chap who was waiting outside, with his 2 children. The little girl comes straight over to me and watched the nurse prepare the needle. I tried to get her to go away (she is 8 years old), but she just stood and watched...with a huge grin on her face. Then the needle went in...and the nurse made sure I got my phobia back. It was a horrible 30 seconds. I had to pretend that inside my head was calm, and to look brave. The little girl looked straight at me as the needle went in, to see what my reaction was - and she wouldn't stop grinning. It seemed she was getting much pleasure out of my suffering, although I tried not to show it. However, she knew what I was going through...and was loving every second of it. Even the nurse was in on it, and made me think it was over so that I would look at my arm, but the damn thing was still in there. She tried to make me look away, but it was too late. The little girl looked even more delighted. At last, the 3 foot long needle was yanked out. I quickly made out that the whole experience had been no big deal, and walked out of the room. But the sweat and expressions on my face had already told the little girl everything she wanted to know (however, I again did not cry).

After that, the family took me to Gongju museum. It was full of the kind of things that look like the sort of things that were dug up many years ago; things that can be found in every museum in the world...coins, knives, bits of pottery and cooking implements, and coffins/jewels belonging to important people from long ago. It's unknown if these people wanted to be dug up and have all their things taken away. I think it would be better to leave them alone, as then people wouldn’t have to walk around museums looking at them.

The afternoon was finished off with a nice meal. The kids now seemed completely seemed unafraid of me, as they proved by jumping all over me. I did manage to get some food in my mouth, and when I was dropped off at my flat the kids seemed sad I was leaving. This hopefully means they had a nice time and their mother will make me kimbap for my lunch all this week.

I'm looking forward to week 2 of the Elementary Teachers, and especially class A.