Week 7 - The Elementary School Teachers are coming. All 72 of them...

This week there was not much at all to do, except continue to plan for the Elementary Teachers 'Training' program. They are arriving tomorrow morining at 9am. I'm ready for them, and have been waiting a long time. I will just repeat - there are 72 mostly female, and I guess fairly young, Korean teachers coming (rubs legs in style of Vic Reeves). It's the only reason I haven't quit this place. Problem is, I think they have been told they will be taught by experts. Oops.

My birthday came and went on Wednesday. I thought about what to do, as it was a national holiday in Korea. I considered invitng people out for some food, then maybe a few drinks. This thought was a brief one, however, as I know only freaky people. So I decided to spend the day avoiding them. I suceeded. As a reward, I treated myself to a very large pizza at a restaurant nearby..and ate it all.

I met some more people on Thursday in the bakery when I was buying bread. I had met them before, as it turned out, on that drunken Karaoke night some time ago that I don't remember much about. One of them was another Korean/American female, and the other could possibly be a decent bloke...from Canada I think. The Korean/American, as seems to be the rule here, is worryingly abnormal. She was incredibly happy to see me when I walked into the bakery, and although I could not really remember her at all, she invited me to go with her and others to the nerby city of Daejeon at the weekend where there is some kind of mud festival on the beach...where people get covered in mud. I don't know why. I also got asked many personal questions - all fired at me in a hail of confusing randomness. She got my e-mail off me somehow...well, I did write it down for her, but I was confused at the time...trying to work out why she is talking to me as though we have known each other for years and are great friends. I only wanted to buy some bread. Later I was to discover that the people at my school know of her, and said she is a depressive, and very controling. Apparently she will go for anything, male or female. I recieved 2 overly friendly e-mails within the following 24 hours...and she wants to know where I live. I'm not going to tell her, and as a new rule for myself,I will not talk to anyone who is a native English speaker anymore. It seems that if that's what they arem then it's going to be bad news. I will soon have my hands full with 72 mostly female teachers anyway...maybe.

Bought a mountain bike on Saturday cause I was waiting too long for a taxi to get to school (needed to go there to prepare for the females, and use the internet). Was only 60 pounds, and would cost double that in the UK I think...unless it turns out to be a cheap crappy thing that just looks like a mountain bike. Will find out soon I guess. I can also now explore the hills and countryside around the city...which I have been looking at everyday before heading off to school, where there are only muppets. Buying a ountain bike because it took longer than 5 minutes for a taxi to drive past is not an everyday occurance, but it does go to show the difference between life here and life in England. From last months pay packet, I sent 800 back to England, paid all my bills here, bought food for the month, a mountain bike, and still have plenty left to buy a computer with...which I will do shortly. I think I should be able to save about 12K this year, taking into account the people I have met so far and how much time I will be spending with them out on the town (about 5 minutes).

The highlight of the week was, with no doubts, the publication of our very own text book for the coming Teacher Training course, written by the experts that we have teaching here. Each of us has been given topics to teach, and we had to write our own chapters for the book. All 9 of us foreigners- including the 4 people upstairs who only teach Korean teachers - who keep themselves to themselves usually. I can't blame them, but two of them are equally as strange as those on my floor (they are brothers). The 72 mostly female teachers are coming here to improve their own English, and get some good pointers in teaching techniques. I opened the text book as eagerly as some people might open the new Harry Potter book. But the diffence is that this book can be placed in the comedy section. If it was put on whloesale release, I think it might do rather well. I will pick out some of the gems and put them on another page, all to themselves.


Korean TV...

...is great. For just 3.50 a month I get 72 channels, which include 3 sport and several movie channels. Many of the movies are in English. Just the other day I switched on to Gremlins...at 8am. In the last 3 days there have been about 5 UK Christmas Day movie equivalents (including Batman of course). There are so many Korean comedy shows on too...and although I have no idea what they are saying, they are still funnier than most things I have seen that I have understood.
The Asian Cup (football) tournament is on at the moment, and as my bank in England no longer hates me, I made a small investment on Japan to win it. If they do then that I'll get 240 squid! So far so good..they are into the semis. I missed most of that match, however, as on the other channel was a womens pool competition. Now, pool is not really a spectator sport, and when a team I have invested in is playing football, why would I watch it? See below.



No words are needed. She does get bigger if you click on her....but you can't love her if you do.

Finding myself suddenly in love, I thought I should find out who she is, and how I can find and stalk her, if I have time.
I discovered she lives near Seoul, not too far from here, and is 19 years old. That's Ok I think...as I feel I am getting younger, and I am less than double her age. There are many people who are together with a bigger age-gap than we have.
I found this information out from her Myspace website (there was a link to it - I'm not doing online-stalking), but it was a mistake to look there...and I soon decided it was over between us. It says she is in a relationship. That's not good but can be changed. But then she talks of her two best memories in life...and this is what has ended it. Her first is 'getting closer to God', and the second is 'visiting America'. Bugger.

The English Experience Centre

The Street

Those cardboard cut out people have freaked me out several times when I've walked through here without turning the lights on. Least the geezer doesn't fight back when you hit him. If he did - that really would be freaky. I'll stay away from his girlfriend just in case. I can see this place as a setting for a horror movie when it's in darkness. The cardboard people come alive and murder real people. There is a cardboard policeman too, and a Beefeater, and 2 carboard cars.

This is where BFA Pete does his 'I'm a real doctor' routine with his blood pressure and heart rate gadgets. What an arse.

Final group

This chap does not want to be with the girls, and lets his feelings be known.

This girl doesn't want to be with the boys, so Mr. Yang pushes her closer.

Two women about to have an argument on stage.

Week 6

Six weeks have passed, and it feels like 60. This week the last group of 15 year olds for this term came to Le Freaky Camp. The week was summed up by the question asked by the leader of this place to all the students at the closing ceremony - 'So, did you have lots of fun?'. The response was a muted 'yes'. It's such a painful question! The leader always begins his speech with 'TGIF' and asks the kids if they know what it means. They never get it...so he has to tell them. It means 'Thank God it's Friday'. A nice way to send them off. He may as well just say what he really means - 'We are all happy it's Friday - now piss off home'. I know for a fact that's what the Freaky Bunch think.

During this week...

Big Friendly American Pete still says to all the kids at the start of the week 'You are all gonna have FUN' ('fun' is said in a very slow, deliberate way....emphasising this is mainly what they will experience here). In his class that I have to sit through, (it's about the clinic and pharmacy) this week, after he told them what 'stress' means, he added some info he had found out that morning...that 'stress is the highest cause of suicide in Korea'...and quoted some figure. Nice one Pete. You sure know how to perk the kids up. Lets hope that figure doesn't rise before the end of your lesson, eh?

In the 'Sports English', Pete got the kids to play volleyball outside...which they didn't want to do at all cause it was very hot. But before the volleyball was the 'egg toss'. They throw eggs to each other until one pair are left with an unbroken egg, and so are the winners. This they seem to like...apart from one kid who got completely covered in egg. He went to wash it off, and then returned for the volleyball. But the poor kid realised he still had egg on him, so walked off towards the tap to clean it off. But BFA Pete said he couldn't...and yelled at the top of his booming voice 'get back over here shithead, or I'll knock you down like I did yeaterday!'. It was quite a shock to hear those words come from the mouth of such a competant teacher who in no way puts the heebiejeebies up me or any of the kids. After the fun was over, BFA Pete told me that the same kid had defied him the day before, and he knocked him to the floor. For all his promises of 'fun', BFA Pete does lose his temper a bit too much. He also asked me if I imagine what the girls will look like in a few years time. I think I have got to know this chap as much as I want to. It's clear that there is something not quite right, as he was in tears on Thursday evening because the kids were leaving the next day. He is a man of the cloth as well, which might explain a lot.

It's only one week now before the 72 young Korean Elementary School teachers (mostly female) come here for 'training'. The amusing thing to me is that Ellena (the supervisor from Canada) is more concerned that we cover ourselves in case they complain that the course is no good! If they complain about 'blah'...then we will tell them 'blah blah'. But I am looking forward to it, as for the first time I can actually do some teaching...but the others are bricking themselves...and understandably so. The freaky Korean/American girl said she is worried because she 'can't give adult students candy to make them happy'! That is true my dear...you must teach them well. Use the Force.

It seems I might be giving the game away a bit, as the other teachers don't seem to talk to me so much now. I saw BFG Pete in an internet bar the other day, and some kids said 'hi' to me, but ignored him completely. He turned to me and said 'does the whole fu&$ng world love you?'...which was amusing. At the start of the week he told the kids he used to work in a hogwan (an evening school for kids - after they have already been to school all day), and he anounced that 'all the kids LOVED me' (as in him...they loved him). Why would someone say that? He continues to make the 'I love you' sign that is used in sign language as well...and keeps showing it to the kids. I will have to learn the sign for 'stay away' so I can give them a warning. This guy should not be working with children. I do keep an eye on him when he is around the kids. I don't like the fact he acts and dresses as a doctor when he is doing the 'clinic' lesson. He doesn't need to use a stethascope on the kids...but he does. He still beleives he is a real doctor. I have decided to talk to the manager of this place before BFA Pete realises I know what he is all about. At the moment he trusts me, but I can't keep smiling and nodding for much longer.

Korean/American freaky girl complained to the managment this week as one kid had use the 'F-word' in her class. You can hardly blame the poor sod. What's amusing is that the F-word flows out of her mouth like a dog with a big dribble problem most days of the week.

Margaret, an older Korean lady who is nice but in a world of her own most of the time decided to quiz me about 'why I do not follow God?' I tried to change the topic, but she persisted. I had no choice but to answer her - so I said that I thought that it's possible early man might have looked up to the skies when there was a storm or bad weather, thinking there must be something up there making it happen...and this thought was continued and eventually people said there is a God up there; I also said religion causes many wars - George Bush even thinks God told him to attack Iraq! Margaret looked somewhat taken aback, and eventually said to me that she hadn't thought about it as much as I had, and walked away. This is the same lady who said to me a few weeks ago that she 'cannot live without God'. Oops. Sorry Margaret.



The weekend finally came, and I once again seized the chance to get away from Gongju...and went to a larger city called Daejon where a friend of mine is teaching. It's not far away...only 40 mins by bus. The evening was spent drinking lots of beer and playing cards, or rather, gambling. I had never really done serious card gambling before, and the pot often went up above 10 pounds (to me that's serious). It proved to be a very successful evening, and after 4 hours of hard concentration and cunning play, I made a healthy profit of 5000 won (2 pounds and 50 pence).

The next day was not nice. I felt quite ill, and had a headache which lingered on and on. My friend, Colin, suggested going bowling, which I thought might be a good idea so I could try to forget how ill I felt. But bowling was closed, as there was a tournament on...so we agreed to go with the Lonely Planet suggestion instead...and visit an amusement park. It wasn't the best choice on such a day. It's been a while since I had been to one of these places, and I imagined it might have a big wheel or something, but nothing too strenuous. I, for some reason, said there was nothing that I wouldn't go on anyway. I did really believe that, but that was before we got there. What I saw when we arrived made me feel really bad. Unfortunately, Colin really will go on anything. When we got in, the park looked like it had been there for 100 years, as did all the rides.

I don't really want to think too much about what happened over the following 3 hours, but I can safely say the following: a rollercoaster that goes upside-down 4 times (and shakes a bit too much), a log flume, a big thing with arms that swings people around wildly and at great height, and a black hole roller coaster that scares the crap out of you cause you are in Korea and have no idea what its going to do (cause you can't see a thing), does not cure a hangover. It just makes it worse. But dodgems are fine, if you avoid collisions. I am not religious, but I did pray that the extreeeeemely tall thing with seats on either end was not working, and by the time we got to it, it was closed. I had already screamed like a girl on 4 of the 5 others, and maybe once more when avoiding a head on the dodgems. Just looking at this last one made me scream, much to Colins bewilderment. He did mention to me that I had screamed on some of the other rides, which was unessessary. However, I DID go on everything (that was working), and now feel fine and brave (it is 2 days later).

Tomorrow is my birthday...which coincides with a national holiday here. I don't think its just for me... it's constitution day too. I will avoid as many people as I can and have a nice day.

That's it.

Photos - Roadshow

They made me dress up as an elephant and sing a song. I had to do elephant-type actions. Was really really good. Mr. Yang loved it.

I was so happy.

It was a small school...and the kids liked the performing freaks, which was a bonus.

They were happy to dress up...

...and happy to get a plaster for their headaches and colds from 'I am a real doctor' Pete.

Photos - The Travelling Circus

Gerrud, or 'Smelly Cinderella' get made up. He loves it.

Mr. Yang (my teaching partner) has no idea what's going on...but knows he has to wear his wig.




Chahney - our Korean supervisor, also loves it.

You don't see dames like that these days.

Week 5 - The other side of the river...

The 5th week has ended.

The first 'Freak Show' visit was on Tuesday - to a middle school, followed by a trip to an elementary school on Wednesday. They tried to get me to act in the 'Smellarella' performance on the first day, and I convinced them that I needed to observe it again, and I would write a part for myself. They seemed to want me to be in it the following day. I got the feeling the reason the others seemed so keen for me to be in it was because they have finally realised it's an embarrassment... they don't want to do it anymore, and they want to see me embarrass myself too. They are not asking me because it will be fun; they are asking me out to be spiteful. So far 3 people have told me I can have their part...Smellarella, the 'Prince' - played by freaky Korean/USA girl, and the Fairy Garbage Man, played by Big Friendly American Pete. I got out of it on Tuesday (I got the whole thing on video), and hoped they would forget by Wednesday.

Wednesday came, and when it was time to prepare for the performance I slipped away and went for a walk around the school. It was lunch time, and lots of the kids were around. It was an elementary school, and some were trying to compare their height to mine. They were pretty small, and one asked if I would lift him up so he was taller than me. I did it....and he was happy. Then another asked to be lifted up, then another, and another. They seemed to find it great fun. Soon a line of about 30 kids had formed. It was easy to begin with, but by number 15 it was getting harder to lift them, and there was one girl who, unfortunately, had eaten too many pies and I asked her to lift me up. She tried, but failed and went to the back of the line. In fact, after each lift they were all going to the back of the line. Was great fun - for them. I managed to get away after a teacher said I looked tired, and went back to find the freaks. My timing was not good, as the Big Friendly American was waiting for me. He insisted that I take his role. Smellarealla then said I should take her/his role too...and was offered another. I couldn't get out of it...they were most insistent, the bastrds. As the 'Garbage Fairy' only had 2 lines, I agreed to do it. I put on the ridiculous clothes, and had to sit on stage behind a screen. I was to jump out and 'surprise the kids', say to Smellarella 'I'm your fairy garbage man' and then hide again. I would come out again later and try to make Smellarella wash herself before he/she went to the ball. She would refuse, I would spray her/him with air freshener, and then hide again. That's it. I did it, with all the enthusiasm I could muster. It ended. That's all that needs to be said.

On Thursday, back at the 'Teaching Centre' I finally got my computer repaired…the internet hadn't worked for a week for some reason. I had asked for it to be fixed a few times...and was met with suspicion by the Korean helper. It seemed he thought I had put a virus onto the computer, as no one could work out what was wrong with it. Mr. Yang, my partner, was sitting at his desk reading the Biblegateway website, as usual. The chap I was talking to really seemed to not want to help me, and said to me 'Well, it's like Mr. Yang said... it was fine before you came'. My Yang continued to stare at his screen...but I saw him freeze, as the page he was reading suddenly stopped scrolling. My Yang...my partner, and 'good friend', who has invited me to his hometown, invited me to sing at his church, has been 'very happy' since I came, wants to introduce me to a head doctor (for some reason)....then changes sides and tries to get me into trouble! Thanks so much friend, partner, buddy!

On Thursday evening the Aussie/New Zealander chap (he cant decide which he is) who plays Smellarealla, and his girlfriend, then Canadian 'supervisor', were going to Pizza Hut, and invited me along. I didn't think there was a Pizza Hut here, but there is, and I thought I can go there just once as a reward for my performance in the play yesterday. I was told that we are going to 'the other side of the river'. I had wondered what was over there..and now I would find out.

As we walked across the bridge I began to notice that there were rather a lot of buildings...in fact many, many. There were lots and lots of people too, and many shops. Soon I realised that this was in fact, the main downtown area of Gongju. Where I am living, the place I thought was the whole city (which I refer to as a village) is in fact a small offshoot of the main area. Crossing the river was like walking into a different world.

After Pizza Hut, we decided to go for a beer. Some more people joined us, Paul - who works in the same building as me and seems the most 'normal' person I have met so far, and, unfortunately, the crazy Korean/American. Paul had invited her 'as an experiment', and 'to see what would happen', as she goes nuts when she drinks. She didn't disappoint, and made her feelings known, in a very loud way, about the people she works with. She hates them. What a surprise. She screamed and shouted for most of the evening, and it turns out she really hates Big Friendly American, Pete...who was not there. While the screaming and shrieking was going on, I noticed that there are some quite nice females on this side of the river. It's a bit frustrating to have been here 5 weeks not knowing the city I thought I was living in, is in fact on the other side of the river. I will cross it again, I think.

The night went on to a karaoke bar, and ended around 4am. I realised I had had a bit too many refreshing beverages the next morning, as I had to get up and be at my desk by 9am. I made it, but couldn't do anything all day...which was lucky because there wasn't anything to do....except one last bit of planning for the teachers that will come in a few weeks. I started the planning at 4pm, just as I was told we could all go home early. It took me 2 hours to do, and I left 2 hours after everyone else, having done nothing all day...except doze at my desk and feel like crap.